It’s been 8 months today.

(author known to the editor)

8 months ago my parents went today. My memories of that day are very hazy actually. As if it’s like i have heard from someone.

We did not sleep the other night. My parent’s lawyer will come in the morning, my parents will go to the courthouse and they will be taken into custody. I remember it was a beautiful morning. It was not too hot, it was not cool either. We went out with my dad to get a pastry for breakfast. On the way home, my dad took a run to the grocery and got 2 pack of blackberry jellybeans. He had done this three times before. Normally it is something that is “dreadfully painted food and is even more poisonous than mouse poison” for my father. The first time, he was going to Ankara for vocational training for 9 months while I was 2nd class. I remember it as a fruity jellybean and he also bought a magazine. I can not remember the name now. There was a cartoon that these girls were witches. Not Winx before that, the name of cartoon was “which” i guess, i dont know you remember but it was that cartoons magazine The second time he was going to England, we could not be able to meet again for 9 months. This time he took the 8th book of the mystery kids series and animal shaped jellybons. Then he went to France to study at the European Court of Human Rights for the Individual Application, when i was in high school, this time it was worm shaped jellybeans and Dan Brown Digital Castle. I guess I really realize at that moment that we could not see each other for a long time. This time he was going without of his will, he did not know when he is going to return this time, I could not go next to him, and I could not stay with him and he could not come back. That morning, We were saying goodbye in this way before He left, i started to cry at that moment. It was interesting because the night before tears were really no longer shed from my eyes, i was trully sure that my eyes were dried up, and if I cried once again blood or sand will flow from my eyes.

We returned home. Meanwhile my parents school friends came to our house. I think they were really helpful in this process, I guess i can not pay my debt in a lifetime. Then i could not be alone with my father again, my mother pulled me a corner. I sometimes think about my mother how does this woman withstand? How will she endure alone?, but that day I remember the talk we did, and it refreshes me, my mother’s nerves really made of steel, she is literally Neslişah (noble descendant) Altınpençe (goldenclaw). Look, Rana she said. “I dont care these nonsense, it is happening in this country, all these things are going to pass through in an case, you will be calm, you will grow up now. Do not be mess around, you are trusted first to God, then to yourself and then to your friends (eachothers). I love you so much, the truths will be revealed at the end, just a little time my daughter, they do not put allow to put our rings in custody, take the rings do not lost, i’ll take it when I come out. Keep our house clean, do not get accustomed to living in the dirt just because i am not around, your grandma and aunt will come in the evening, they will cook chicken, they are going to stay with you for the next couple days. This woman is a real “iron lady”, i couldn’t say “you will be taken under custody what chicken [are you talking about]?”. At that moment I went into shock that as if they are going to a vacation with my father. I have met a lot of grown-ups and very powerful women these days. I do not think even one of them can be so calm in that case.

They took baths. What do you think we should choose for clothes?, you choose said my mother. I chose white polo collar shirt and cream coloured pants for my father, and white tunic and cream pants for my mother. None of them didn’t say we were taken under custody, it should be dark colors in case the jail could be dirty, and the clothes can wrinkle. They spent three days in custody with their clothes on the benches. Nevertheless, the day of the hearing they were upright and clean. My father cried only when he called my grandmother. I hug him, he said, “Rana, I do not think I’ll ever see my mother again.” I couldn’t relieve him, i cried too.

They went to the courthouse with their friends car, my dad did not let me go out, he said “like we were going to work, wave hands and smile, like it’s a normal day.” I hugged them at the door, I went to the balcony and they went out to the apartment hand in hand. They looked at me and i waved my hands, my father blinked, my mother laughed, when she turned her back she began to sob and grappled my father’s arm. My father said “its okay” and he threw his arm around my mother’s shoulder and so they went away.

I sat at the balcony for 6 hours and my granny really made chicken.

I remember that night, I thought like “I could move this wall perhaps if i push for 10 years from now on, but there is nothing I can do to bring back my mother and father. The human brain is so interesting or it is not interesting maybe I am a bad person, i dont know why but at some point I thought things like “how to wash the clothes, who will clean the aspirator, the car is min e now ?”

Well, 8 months ago today I said goodbye to my family.

This seems like a very bad ending, but I think it’s actually the beginning. One day, if I write the book that I think, it will probably start like this, but I do not believe it wont end like this.

God willing!